It's Not You, It's Me...Ok, maybe it's you

Telling people about my breast cancer has become a little bit of a social experiment. It's really interesting seeing and hearing people's reactions. What I've determined is that if you're a male person you absolutely will not talk about it. If you're cornered and it comes up you will describe it as my "thing", my "issue, my "little problem" or "I heard you were sick.". If you're female you can't help yourself, you can't NOT talk about it and you want to know ALL about it.

Conversations tend to be like:

Man - so, how've you been?

Me - I spent the fall battling breast cancer, but it's behind me now and I'm doing great.

Man - Oh, well that's good. Good to see you. Take care of yourself

....and he's outta there!

Or

Man - so, I heard about your thing...earlier this year...

Me - Oh, yes, breast cancer. The surgery was a month ago, but I'm doing really well.

Man - Yeah, that really sucks. Well, I hope you have a good Christmas.

...and he's outta there!

Or

Man (on first date) - so tell me something about you. What are the highlights from your

year?

Me - My year has been really good, but the most notable thing about this year, for me,

was finding out I had breast cancer a few months ago and having a mastectomy.

Man - (silently guzzles remaining and slides off stool, points toward restroom...does not

return)

BUT

Woman - I heard that you had to deal with breast cancer earlier this year. I was so sorry

to hear about that. How did you find out?

Me - It was detected during my annual mammogram. And thank God, otherwise who

knows how long it would've gone undetected.

Woman - That's good. So, they found it early? What stage were you? Did you have a single

or a double mastectomy? Will you have to do chemo and radiation? Are you

planning on reconstructive surgery? And what about those pills? I've heard a lot of

women have to take a pill for several years after surgery. How are you feeling? Is

there anything I can do for you? Are you driving again yet? You really have a great

outlook - I bet that's helping a lot. I know a few women who didn't handle it well, it

really took a toll on them, emotionally. You haven't experienced depression because

of this, have you? Are you in therapy now, to help you deal with this? Where did you

have the surgery? Were the doctors there good? What's the followup like? Who did

you go to for a second opinion?

There is no in between. And it's a little comical to me at this point. But at the beginning it was a little shocking. I expected men who knew me better to be able to talk about it - at least a little - and, I don't know, offer a shoulder, lend an ear, remodel my house so make me more comfortable in my post-surgery weeks. What I learned, however, is that if you ever want a man to leave you alone, speak the words breast cancer or mastectomy and poof! Gone! (You're welcome!) But if you want to keep a man, say nothing and don't let him get you naked! Because if he can't takl about it, he surely can't handle actually coming face-to-face with the evidence...or I guess, in this case, face-to-mastectomy scars. I can only imagine what he'd do with a dead nipple sighting. And they said Jesse Owens was the fastest man on earth!

Also at the beginning, the women were a bit overwhelming to me with their acceptance of the topic and eagerness to pursue all the little details. The endless questions, words of comfort and offers to do anything and everything (except home remodeling...why won't someone come remodel this place?? What's a girl got to do??).

I laugh about it now. I make bets with myself when someone I haven't spoken to in a while pops up in my life about how the conversation will go. Although I know, the ladies will bring it up and the men will not. Also noted, it's probably best that I don't bring it up either, unless I want to see his rear end...for the last time.

It's a little difficult to navigate right now. It really is such a significant thing that I've been through and it's so recent. I don't know how to talk about my year, my life, this season without including it. Hell, without leading with it. Maybe when it's smaller in my rearview mirror...or maybe after the reconstructive surgery is complete (ok, I guess there is ONE man who's willing to remodel, just not my house!).

I have a first date tonight. So...I can either start taking bets now - how long before he runs?! or perhaps I should keep my damn mouth shut.

Man - so tell me something about you? What are some highlights from your year?

Me - Me? Healthy as a horse (with one breast)! My year? Nope, nothing really stands out, just an average year! How about those 49ers? Think they'll make it to the Super Bowl this year? I just love Joe Montana!

See what I did there? Now he'll be mansplaining 30 years of football history to me! Another good manhandling tactic! (Yeah, I know, this may be why I'm single.) BUTA, chances are, the date will last more than 25 seconds.

Disclaimer: my sweet brother is the absolute exception to the male conversations depicted here. No...not those! The first two. I do NOT know where he learned it was ok to talk about women's health with women (maybe thanks to his mother or wife - I know it didn't come from our dad!), but he did and he can and he also offered to stay with me to help out after surgery. Again - no offers of home remodeling, but I love him just the same.